Is Your Partner Having An Affair? |
Written by: Dame Wotta Tripp
Do you think that your partner might be having an affair? Are you suspicious?
Many times, it can be very difficult to tell if your spouse is cheating on you. Often
they are not with you when they are cheating, & at some point you may begin to notice this.
Fortunately, many cheating spouses eventually show clear signs of being unfaithful,
and the changes associated with adulterous behaviour will soon become noticeable to you, and possibly the
neighbours and people at the office too.
If you are a woman and you believe you are now lumbered with a fickle and
faithless bedfellow, then you are probably correct. The sad fact is that women generally 'know'.
They are quite right to be suspicious!
As figures show that a female partner has a 50-70% chance of being correct if she
guesses yes anyway, cheating men do not have much of a chance of having their escapades going undiscovered by
their wives and girlfriends for very long.
This is of course different for many men, who for some reason or other frequently
cannot tell they are being cuckolded until their other half has actually left home.
Both gay men and all women tend to be able to assess the likelihood that their
significant other is cheating more accurately than heterosexual males, who are frequently emotionally immature and
naive in society today, intent mainly on showing just how male and straight they are.
This is a massive turn-off for many modern women.
Outlined below are some of the sorry signs that your spouse might indeed
be cheating on you:
Changes in Appearance
If your spouse joins a gym and he or she has never shown an interest in working out, or in,
before, beware, for this may be an ominous omen!
If the physician has not suggested the exercise and he or she didn't in the past
care about their looks that much, or what you thought of them either, then there is certainly another reason.
Reasons for going to the gym are scanty on the ground if health is not the issue.
When this is something that your errant partner has never previously displayed
any interest in doing before, you must ask yourself "who are they trying to impress besides me?"
Or perhaps suddenly they want to buy a whole new wardrobe, one for someone a
little younger, reinventing themselves and managing to look jolly silly, at least to you and maybe any children
you have managed to obtain from this possibly disastrous relationship.
This is a massive giveaway sign of cheating, especially if more skin is suddenly
being shown. Beginning to reveal more of their worthless hides than usual, especially for work, speaks for
As men and women who cheat often want to impress or entice the individual they
are having inappropriate relations with, they nearly always change or attempt to improve their appearance, even
So if your spouse starts paying a lot of attention to their weight and buying new
clothes that are meant for people twenty years younger, they may well be having an affair.
New colognes and perfumes may put in an appearance here. Cheaters wish to be
alluring, but much more importantly, they wish to feel alluring, thus the sudden appearance of
so many unusual new personal habits.
Also, don't forget that strong colognes and perfumes help to cover up somebody
If your husband or wife grows a beard, or shaves off one they already have, then
beware, especially if there are other danger signals present as well.
Sudden new-found self-confidence and good cheer that you don't seem able to quash
as usual may make a sinister appearance.
Conversely, some unfaithful partners may instead become depressed or irritable as
they wrestle with guilt and wonder what on earth to do.
But the fact that these errant quislings might occasionally feel guilty just
doesn't help you very much, does it?
And if they should suddenly take out insurance on you, then you must indeed
Changes in Routine
Perhaps your spouse does not have time to sit down and talk anymore. They may be too busy and
distracted by thoughts of their brand new paramour.
Did you once discuss your day together? If the only deep or intense conversations
that you have anymore are arguments, there could be a major problem looming.
Cheating spouses often try to distance themselves from their relationships at
home. They may begin to stay out later, or even not come home at all sometimes.
Working late is still a viable excuse for many, especially if they are having
their affair with a person they work with.
Sudden or frequent schedule changes may alert you to a potential problem. So can
overnight trips if they did not happen before or were an infrequent occurrence.
might now begin acting differently during sex and want to try new things out in the bedroom. You may be left
wondering where they learned that strange and disturbing new move from.
Conversely, your spouse may want to have sex less often with you or not at
A sudden decrease in sexual activity could mean many things, but it can be a sign
that your spouse is cheating on you, especially if there are other alert-signals as well.
Sadly, they may be getting enough sex somewhere else.
On The Phone
behaviour when your spouse is on the phone is another signal of possible cheating.
When they are talking on the phone near you, do they try to lower their voce or
even leave the room? Do they change the tone of the conversation quickly when they become aware of your sudden
presence lurking in the doorway?
Hanging up a phone quickly is another signal to watch for. Be cautious of
increased cell phone use, as many cheaters prefer to use their own personal phones as opposed to family phones,
for obvious reasons.
to scrutinizing the behaviour of your husband, wife or other, the behaviour of your friends should also be
examined. The friends you share together may start acting differently towards you.
This is often because your mutual friends might know more than you do. It could
even be one of them your partner is cheating with!
Even if a friend does not outright tell you that your partner is cheating, they
may intentionally or unintentionally show you signs that will alert you.
If you suspect your trust has been breached and at the same time you notice that
a friend or acquaintance who was previously at least moderately eager for your company is now avoiding you, you
would be right to be very suspicious.
on your spouse and his or her career, they really may have to work late. With that said, be on the lookout for
changes and use your best judgment. Has your husband or wife all of a sudden started working late?
In terms of using your common sense, understand which vocations really do call
for partners to work late at nights legitimately, such as those in legal and medical professions, prostitutes,
croupiers and career criminals.
partner gone from spending one night a week out with friends to three or more? It may be wise to try and
discreetly learn more about this sudden increase in activity. There is always a reason. The question is, is it
a reason you will be happy about?
Where Are They?
When you are married or in a committed relationship, there is never really any good
purpose behind a spouse not letting you know where they are, especially if it's late at night or if they
are gone for long periods of time.
If you don't know, or they have suddenly become late or unreliable, then perhaps
you need to find out more about where they go.
When they do arrive home, they should have a good explanation for being late,
particularly if they didn't let you know where they were. They shouldn't be evasive, angry or hostile if they
have nothing to hide and love you.
Many men and
women are not careful about cheating. This often involves them telling someone about their affair to release
the internal pressure that they feeling.
Sometimes someone you know will see them out on a date. In these types of
situations, people often talk. If people are telling you that your spouse is cheating, it might be time to
friends' phrase might mean just that - or not. As with all other friendships, it is important to use your best
judgment and not jump to conclusions.
Is the friend newly acquired? If so, and there are other signs as well, something
may be going on.
That Bad Feeling
feelings are not something that should be easily dismissed. If you have reason to believe that you are being
betrayed, it's wise to assess what you really want out of the relationship before confronting your
If you do not want to be in a relationship with a cheater, it is vital for your
happiness that you follow your heart.
Take additional steps to see if they are truly cheating. See the article:
'Is Your Partner Having An Affair?'
Infidelity is very common today, but you still have a right to
feel secure in your relationship if that's what you both agreed upon and promised. Unless you have a mutual
agreement of non-exclusivity, then you should be able to trust your spouse.
If one person has experienced a change of heart then they should be honest and
inform the other. Nobody needs a counterfeit partner.
suddenly becoming more secretive can often point to an extramarital affair.
If you receive a "nothing," or a "not your business," response to your worried
questions, then something may be going on. Of course, it doesn't have to mean an affair.
You could be married to a criminal, even a serial killer. This would have the
effect of making an affair seem like a desirable option, but that is for another article at another, darker
Note phone and internet use. Does your partner automatically hang-up the phone
whenever you walk into a room? Do they shut off the computer or try to block your view of it when you approach?
If so, the secrecy may mean that they are trying to cover up an affair, or worse.
Bills and Money
the bills. Does it show which phone numbers were called or what numbers text messages and pictures are received
from? Also, closely scrutinize credit card bills. Are there expenses listed for hotel rooms, vacations,
restaurants, bean-bags, flowers, jewellry, garden gnomes or anything else that you have no knowledge of? If so,
it is worth investigating further.
Seek the help you so desperately need in more of Dame Wotta Tripp's Night
Dame Wotta Tripp explains the signs that your partner might be cheating on you in this 'Night Letters' article.